Letting it out

I promise it won't be long. GODDDDDDDDDDD I want to scream. This life is hell what is going on with me? Here is an update: I have been into depression since mmm September. Then, one day the psychiatrist comes and tells me that I might have Border Line personality and wants me to see another psychiatrist. I accept to meet the other doctor and he tells me that I do not really have BP but I have some symptoms related to that disorder and then I might only have personality disorder. Well okay so these things have only been words to him. RIGHT? Well for God sake I am 18 years old I am dying okay? I am not happy with myself, my fucking body, my face, my family, my friends and I know the bla bla you are young you have not seen anything yet. Well you know what I have seen enough for the past 4 years. I want to let it out, I want to cry so badly, I want to scream, I need to feel and see the light. Oh God what is happening to me?? Tomorrow ANA is visiting FOOD will not be my friend anymore. I want THE BODY that I dreamed of...